Who monastics are, and why customs differ
Buddhist monks and nuns follow rules of conduct that vary by tradition. In Theravada countries such as Sri Lanka, Thailand and Myanmar, fully ordained monks follow a detailed code of discipline. Mahayana and Vajrayana communities have their own codes and customs, and nuns, where fully ordained communities exist, follow rules suited to their own lineage. Because of this, there is no single set of manners that applies everywhere. The guidance below is general, and local guidance always takes priority.
A useful starting point is that monastics are respected as members of the monastic community, the sangha, which is one of the Three Jewels of Buddhism. Courtesy is directed at that role, not at the individual.
Greeting
- Palms together. Pressing your palms together at chest level and giving a slight bow is understood in many Buddhist cultures. In Thailand this is the wai, and in Sri Lanka and Myanmar similar gestures are used. Visitors need not copy it exactly; a calm, polite nod is generally accepted.
- Let the monastic lead. Many monks and nuns are happy to talk with visitors, but not all want to. Wait to be addressed or ask quietly.
- Do not offer a handshake or hug. Some monastics will shake hands, especially in Western or urban settings, but wait for them to offer.
- Use simple forms of address. Local words such as “Venerable” or its equivalent are common in English, but if you do not know the proper title, a polite “excuse me” is acceptable.
Touching and the rules for women
In several traditions, monks avoid physical contact with women. This is a monastic discipline, and it is not a statement about women’s worth. In practice, women visitors are often asked to:
- avoid touching a monk, or his robes or bowl;
- pass items through a cloth, place them on a table or let the monk pick them up himself;
- sit at a short distance rather than right beside him.
Men should also avoid touching monks, particularly the head, shoulders or robes, unless invited. For nuns, norms vary; some communities have no such restrictions, but it is best to follow the guidance you are given. If you are not sure, keep a small distance and let the monastic set the tone. Many monks and nuns will explain the custom kindly if you ask.
Giving and receiving
When offering food, a book or other items, follow the lead of local people. In many places an offering is made with both hands, or with the right hand supported by the left, and placed on a cloth or table. Money is often not handed to monks in some traditions, so a donation box is preferred. The topic is covered at greater length under giving alms and donations, including alms rounds.
If a monastic gives you something, such as a blessing string, a book or tea, accept with both hands or with a slight bow and a word of thanks.
Seating and posture
Where you sit or stand shows respect.
- Keep your head lower than a seated monastic’s where this is the local custom. If monks are on a raised seat, avoid standing above them.
- Do not point your feet toward a monastic. Tuck them to the side or behind you.
- Sit quietly and avoid sprawling. Leaning against a wall with your legs stretched out is usually considered careless.
- Rise when monastics enter in settings where local people do so, and wait until they are seated before sitting.
- Do not walk in front of someone in prayer or study. Go around them.
Speaking and conduct
- Keep your voice low and your tone calm.
- Avoid personal questions about their lives, private teachings or restricted practices.
- Do not interrupt a ceremony, a teaching or meal time.
- Avoid joking about their robes, shaved heads or celibacy.
- Do not photograph a monastic without permission. Our guide to temple photography etiquette covers this in more detail.
- Remember that visitors are guests. Monks and nuns are not tourist attractions and do not owe anyone an interview or a photograph.
Sharing a space
At monasteries, there may be separate areas for monks, for nuns and for lay visitors. Obey signs, ropes and shut doors. Mealtimes are often private. If you stay overnight, remember that a different set of rules applies, discussed under monastery guesthouse stay.
When something goes wrong
If you realise you touched a monk or sat in the wrong place, stay calm, step back, and offer a brief apology. In most communities people understand that visitors do not know every rule. What matters is a willingness to learn and adjust.
Customs differ between and within countries, and between monastic communities. A good habit is to look at what local lay people do and to ask a caretaker, rather than rely on any written list alone.